


give me the blues and then purple-pink skies

by bexgempisces



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: ADD/ADHD Skye | Daisy Johnson, ADHD Darcy Lewis, Academy Era, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, BAMF Monica Rambeau, Bobbi and daisy are besties, Bus Kids - Freeform, Child Abuse, Darcy Lewis Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Hex Gang, Hurt/Comfort, Monica Rambeau Needs a Hug, Multi, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Sharing a Bed, Skye | Daisy Johnson Needs a Hug, Stars, and they were ROOMMATES, because I said so, daisy and monica have glowing eyes from their powers, monica has powers and they’re awesome, okay this is gonna be a nightmare to tag I’m sorry in advance, so are Wanda and daisy, the two should never really mix, they will build a spaceship, theyre gay of course they know about the stars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexgempisces/pseuds/bexgempisces
Summary: It begins with three girls, two sets of powers, and one room.When they are older and working in SWORD instead of SHIELD, the crew they helped to assemble will ask how their story began.This is the story they will tell.
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Yo Yo Rodriguez, Bobbi Morse/Jemma Simmons, Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Darcy Lewis/Monica Rambeau, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	1. moonshiners on the cusp of a breath (autumn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first two (ish) months at SHIELD Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, okay, so yes, this is another Academy AU but I really fucking love academy au’s like they make me incredibly happy and this is like my new fave ship so here, I give you a gay mess 
> 
> it’ll revolve around the seasons, so four chapters per year, not as long as the last one yall will be pleased to know (well maybe, these are very long chapters sorry) 
> 
> and I am still writing out of the warzones, so don’t stress I’ll finish that at some point, I just wanted to start this too because I am incapable of writing anything in correct order :)
> 
> also, they’ve all been aged down, I guess? This takes place in 2015 (no hydra reveal unfortunately sorry) so in the beginning, Monica is 17, Darcy is 17, and daisy is 16 
> 
> okay so with Monica’s powers, I’m going off the comics, kind of, but putting my own spin on it I guess? Her powers are confusing tbh, and in the fic they don’t really know what’s going on with them either 
> 
> Daisy also has her powers but her traumatic backstory is unlocked soon, promise 
> 
> WARNINGS: child abuse, panic attacks, brief racism, slight ableism (kind of, daisy has issues with her adhd and Darcy has some issues with hers too) 
> 
> okay, this fic is kind of a mess lol but let me know what you think about it! 
> 
> fic title: invisible string by taylor swift (i’m gay theyre gay, are you really surprised?)   
> chapter title: paul by cavetown 
> 
> enjoy! -bex xx

“You’re gonna be okay right, Lieutenant Trouble?” Aunt Carol, who has long become “Mom Carol” since returning from space, but sometimes Monica Rambeau forgets to make the change in her head, asks before her and her mom leave. Monica looks around her new dorm room, X-616 becoming her new home for the next four years at SHIELD Academy. The room seemed empty and cold right now, but her roommates hadn’t arrived yet. The other two beds lay empty, waiting for their new owners. Monica had already made up her bed with the her blue and white sheets, her books on astrology, aeronautics and alien languages that Mom Carol had compiled on her trips to space sat on the shelf above her bed, her sketchbook lay on top of her new nightstand, she’d tried to make it as close to her home in New Orleans. She turned back to her moms and nodded, plastering a wide smile on her face. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” She said, smothering the tremor in her voice. She was seventeen for gods sake, she could handle being away from her parents. Her home wasn’t going anywhere, it was just on the other side of the country, the Academy being in Montana. She could call any time she wanted, go home at Christmas and summer break, they’d probably send her fricking care packages or something. 

But she was still scared. It was the same type of fear that coiled in her stomach like a snake when Mom Carol went back to space, the age old dread of everything changing, of her mom being depressed again like when Mom Carol disappeared for all those years, of growing up without both her moms there. As she got older, it was easier because Mom Carol always came back now. But this time, it was _her_ that was leaving, off on her adventures even if it wasn’t space yet. 

“Call any time, honey, okay?” Her mom reassures her and Monica takes a deep breath before nodding and then she’s being enveloped in a tight hug by her moms. She breathes in their scents, jasmine and cedar oak and something like jet fuel that was so specifically Mom Carol that she smiled for real. “Be safe.” 

“Mom, it’s the Academy, what could go wrong?” Monica laughed. 

“Well, if it’s anything like military academy, then lots of things that your mother has sworn to never speak of again could happen.” Mom Carol grinned at her mom’s glare, sliding an arm around her wife’s shoulder. “We better go, wouldn’t want to embarrass babygirl on her first day.” 

“And before the traffic picks up.” Her mom agrees and turns back to Monica. “We’re only a call away okay?” 

“I love you. Drive safe!” Monica called to them as they walked through the door and down the corridor. She watched them go before sighing deeply and turning back to her empty room. Nothing left to do but wait for her roommates to arrive.   
  


* * *

“Is _he_ still going to be there at Christmas?” Darcy Lewis asked her mom as she tried to pop the trunk to grab her shit, but failing miserably against the busted lock. Her mom gave an exasperated sigh and helped Darcy open the faulty lock on the trunk of her old Toyota Corolla. Darcy grabbed her bags and shouldered her duffle, her computer case in one hand and a box in the other.

” _Doug_ isn’t that bad, Darce. You should give him a chance.” Her mom reasoned and Darcy rolled her eyes. Her mom said this every single time she got a new boyfriend but Darcy was beginning to think that Penelope Lewis was just cursed to find every douchebag asshole in the whole of New York to date. 

“His name is Doug and he stinks of shitty craft beer, he’s just like the others. If he’s still around then I’ll stay here for Christmas, no biggie.” Darcy said and her mom just nodded. Darcy softened a little when she saw just how tired her mom looked. The woman worked two jobs just to keep the lights on even with Darcy waitressing for a while before getting into SHIELD Academy. She’d even drove Darcy to Montana from New York, so it had to count something. “We’ll see how it goes, okay Mom? Call if you need anything.” 

“Be safe and kick ass, my little tech guru.” Her mom smiled before getting in her car, waving to Darcy through the window before driving away. Darcy waved and watched her go before turning to the massive doors of the dorm and walking through them. She was met with oak floors and brick walls, long velvets curtains on the equally long windows and plush armchairs and sofas in the common area. She whistled lowly and found her way to the staircase leading up to the rooms themselves. 

It took at least five wrong turns and four more flights of stairs before she found X-616, the door lying open. She pushed her way fully in and was greeted with one of her roommates already there, sitting cross legged _in mid-air_ reading a book. 

“Uh hey, so...you can fly.” Darcy said awkwardly to announce her presence. She cursed herself when the girl floated back down to her bed and gave her a wide smile. Fuck, the girl was _stunning,_ electric blue eyes and a smile so bright Darcy felt like she was the one flying. The girl’s skin was dark and her hair was in tight braids away from her face. Darcy felt herself begin to get lost in those bright blue eyes before she forced herself to look away and give the girl a smile of her own. 

“Sorry, I got bored and it’s more fun to read in the air. I’m Monica Rambeau.” She held out a hand and Darcy shifted her computer case to the top of her box before gripping Monica’s warm hand in her own. They broke contact and Darcy sized up the two remaining beds before deciding on the one under the window, leaving the one in the middle of the room to the last girl in their dorm. 

“I’m Darcy Lewis. Any clue on mystery girl number three?” Darcy asked. Monica shook her head and went back to sit on her bed. At least she was actually on the bed this time. 

“No, room allocations were random. What are you studying here?” Darcy nodded about the mystery girl, her unpacking a lot more chaotic than Monica’s had been. She dumped her duffle bag upside down and started rifling through the clothes in some sort of confusing organisational way that made Monica frown. She was brought up with military trained moms who spread the beds with sharp precision and kept their boots shiny, habits they could never quite kick. She shook her head at Darcy and her chaos. 

“SHIELD picked me up from my high school science classes, apparently I’m a genius or whatever. I’m doing a degree in astrophysics and political science because that seemed fun. What about you?” Darcy asked, placing her least worn clothes in the bottom of the dresser, working her way up to her most worn and favourite clothes at the top. Underwear with holes went at the back of the top drawer, without holes went at the front. Bras and socks in the drawer next to it. Pj’s in the drawer under her bed, shoes along the wall, beanies in a stack on top of the dresser. Everything did have a place, had to have a place or she’d forget all about it. 

“Aerospace engineering and I’m in the enhanced program.” Monica said, almost shyly, which made Darcy cock her head. 

“Aerospace engineering is cool as fuck and your powers seem cool, though I don’t really know what they are. Why are you nervous about it?” She was nothing if not forward, and she may have just met Monica, but she could already tell they were gonna be great friends. 

“It’s all just overwhelming y’know? I haven’t even had my powers that long but they want me to train with them and shit. It’s just weird I guess.” Monica says, shifting a little awkwardly. She hadn’t even told her moms this, but she wanted to be able to trust Darcy if they were going to live with each other for the next four years. 

“Yeah, I get that. I was just a kid in the Bronx and then suddenly a bunch of guys in suits are offering me a free ride to study my dream subject and I get a job after it? That’s some movie shit, not stuff that happens to me. It’s all just new and fresh, but I think if we stick together and with mystery girl, we’ll be just fine.” Darcy grins when Monica smiles hopefully and moves to unpack her many, _many_ books from her box on physics, astrology, (she noticed some matching titles in Monica’s shelf), coding, the occasional Shakespeare play, political books, Norse mythology, whatever took her fancy really. 

They hear commotion from outside, a car doom slams and there’s shouting before it all goes silent for a very long time before they hear loud footsteps from the hallway, a figure walking past the door before doubling back and standing in front of the door. 

“That’ll be mystery girl number three, then.”   
  


* * *

Daisy Johnson is not having a good day. The Orchards are a nightmare of a family, the husband and wife are always fighting, the sons are assholes, the daughter is a hell demon in a pink cropped shirt and jeans. They treat her like a freak, and look she might have weird, unexplainable powers but she’s still a fucking person, okay?

“Don’t expect to come back for Christmas or summer or anything, you turn 17 in July, that’s old enough to stay here.” Tom Orchards tells her as he pulls up to the front entrance of SHIELD Academy. She nods and keeps her eyes downcast, they hate her eyes. They would even if they weren’t a strange, almost glowing violet colour, they were racist as shit. Always going on about their “ _half-cast, chink freak_ ” they’d taken in out of the goodness of their hearts. 

If that was the good in their hearts, then she’d hate to see the bad. Or maybe she’d already seen it behind closed doors. 

“And we are not taking you back home if you get expelled or something, it’ll be straight back to the orphanage if you are, you hear me girl?” He says, grabbing her chin to make her look at him. She forces herself to nod, he smiles dangerously and she fights the urge to flinch away. God, she hates this fucking man. It makes her appreciate SHIELD a lot more, even if they did kind of ruin her life by throwing her in the system after they raided Afterlife when her mom went all genocidal on the world. At least they’re giving her an education and potential job now. 

“And no one, and I mean, _no one,_ finds out about the bruises, okay?” He makes sure to see her nod before releasing her chin and holds up her arm, as if checking the bruises he fucking gave her were healing nicely or something. He nods to the door. “On you go then.” 

She practically sprints from the car and pops the trunk, taking care not to scratch or mark the paintwork in any way, lest she be punished. She grabs her belongings and slams the door, letting just a tiny bit of her frustrations out on the car. She winces when he shouts at her from the drivers seat and tries not to run away when he rolls the window down. 

“I mean it, Johnson! Not a word!” She rolls her eyes and chances flipping him the bird, knowing he wouldn’t touch her in public, and sends a tiny quake to rattle the windows slightly, before storming up the steps to her new home. 

She’s so strung out from the tense drive and fight with Tom that she gets completely lost when trying to find her room. Why’d they make this place so big, anyway? It’s just confusing. She wanders along halls and levels, finding at least three libraries, circling the same kitchen at least twice and eventually finding the right hall, even if she walks right past her room and has to double back. 

“Please tell me this is X-616?” She asks the girls already in there, when she walks through the door, her face a little flushed from the encroaching stress of not being able to find her room in this labyrinth. The other girls exchange a nervous glance, before nodding slowly. Daisy breathes a sigh of relief and walks further into the dorm. “Sorry, I’ve been wandering for ages. I’m Daisy Johnson.” 

“I’m Darcy, and don’t worry, I had trouble too.” Darcy is relatively pleased that their new roommate is not some crazy, temper filled drama queen and that “mystery girl number three” is in fact, a very pretty brunette with violet coloured eyes and a smile that could light up a room, just like Monica’s. She really had to stop crushing on her roommates, they had to live together for gods sake. 

“Place is a maze, to be fair. I’m Monica.” Monica stepped forward and extended a hand to Daisy, who fist bumped instead, the feeling of Tom’s hand in hers to check her arm still tingling with wrongness. Monica smirks at her, and goddamn if Daisy doesn’t practically melt into a little gay puddle at that. Monica’s eyes are the same bright, almost telltale alien hue as her own, except hers are this stunning shade of blue that makes Daisy think of Lincoln’s powers. Her smile fades a little, she hasn’t thought about him in a long time.

“So, we’re gonna be roomies, I guess.” Darcy announces, a little awkwardly. She’s still trying to get over the bisexual disaster she’s becoming over the two incredibly pretty girls she’ll be sharing a room with for the four years. Luckily, they both nod and smile, Daisy going over to the last bed left. 

“Okay, so judging by the books, uh Darcy’s astrophysics and Monica is aerospace something or other?” Daisy guesses and Darcy cocks an eyebrow. 

“That’s correct and impressive. What about you, Mind Reader?” Daisy laughs at the nickname, and Darcy almost turns into a gay puddle of her own at the melodic sound. 

“I’m in Ops and the enhanced program. No mind reading though, just weird vibration powers.” Daisy turns up her nose at the suggestiveness of that statement, catching Monica’s dimples when she smirked and Darcy’s teasing glint in her eyes. “Ew, not like that. Uh, any of you two in the program?” 

“Oh, I am! Uh, we’re not entirely sure _what_ my powers are, or where they came from, other than a weird glowing rock my Mom Carol brought back from space. So, we’ll be in the same group then.” Monica tells her and butterflies erupt in her stomach when she meets those dimples and iridescent blue eyes again. 

“Hey! You code?” Darcy exclaims when she catches sight of the incredibly battered copy of The Art of Computer Programming that she found in the Salvation Army when she was living with the Framers in Chicago five years ago. That book was her saving grace at eleven years old, it gave her a purpose that wasn’t uncontrollable powers when she was upset or the legacy left behind of the great Cal and Jiaying Johnson, people driven mad by their own power leaving behind their eight year old daughter and taking away her sister as well as the only home she’d ever known. 

She had issues, okay? 

“Uh, yeah. Programming mostly, though I do experiment in the occasional hacking. I’m not supposed to though, so let’s keep that between us.” She gave them a wink and Darcy giggled, whilst Monica shook her head, almost fondly, even though they’d only just met. 

“I think we’re all gonna be great friends.” Darcy decided.   
  


* * *

Their first week is largely uneventful, though they’ve made friends outside of their dorm, and quickly decided that these groups really shouldn’t be mixed or World War 3 would break out or something. 

Darcy and Monica stick together when they start their classes, both being in the science block and having the same lunch times and such. Then Darcy meets Jimmy Woo in her political science class and Monica meets Vision in her aeronautics class and hey, having a synthezoid for a friend seems like fun so she introduces him to Jimmy and Darcy. He then brings Wanda and Pietro Maximoff to lunch and the twins are shy at first but Darcy is very good at getting people to talk, and they soon made fast friends. 

Daisy is kind of on her own at first, being in Ops whilst the other two were in Sci-Tech, but then she was paired up with a tall blonde named Bobbi Morse to spar with one day and once they’d both flipped each other to the mats, destroyed half the boys in class and made a pact to dismantle the patriarchy within SHIELD they could say they were friends. Bobbi introduced her to Jemma and Fitz, or Fitzsimmons, as they were often dubbed, and whilst the Science Twins were painfully awkward at first and Jemma’s crush was as obvious as Bobbi’s attempts to flirt with her were, they all quickly formed a group. Mack and Elena soon joined after, having gone against Bobbi and Daisy in class that day and wanting to know more, they sat down with the group at lunch, and the rest was history. 

However, the one and only time that Daisy, Darcy and Monica had tried to mix their groups, Fitz and Darcy got into an argument about the permanence of time, as Fitz believed that time was fixed and Darcy was on the opposing side. The twins quickly got into a ping pong battle with Mack and Elena, with Elena and Pietro both cheating with the super speed powers. Jimmy and Vision talked quietly about the complete mess of the government today, turning into a hot debate on the opposing sides of the...French Revolution? No one actually knew what that argument was Turks about to be honest. Meanwhile Bobbi was flirting with Jemma and the poor girl was completely oblivious. 

Daisy watched all the chaos unfold and sipped her sprite tiredly. It was completely impossible to follow any type of conversation in here and her hands itched to fidget, to play with something, to take something apart and put it back together again just to see how it worked. But she didn’t want her new friends to think she was weird or anything because this was the first place since Afterlife that she felt truly and utterly accepted, she couldn’t ruin it with her weird brain. 

“You good?” Monica’s voice is suddenly in her ear and Daisy turns to the older girl only to find her sitting actually _in_ the couch. She was phasing apparently, getting practice in before their next enhanced class. “You look stressed.” 

“Everything is very...loud, in here. Lot of noise and vibrations and I already had ADHD before the vibration powers so it’s just, yknow, hard to concentrate.” Daisy explains quietly and Monica phases out of the couch, placing a solid hand on Daisy’s shoulder, squeezing gently. 

“We can leave if you want. I heard Darcy say that you could see Cassiopeia tonight and that’s my favourite star. We can go out to the green, get some fresh air, it might help.” Monica smiles softly at her and Daisy suddenly wants to cry. Hardly anyone is this nice to her once she tells them about her ADHD as well as her powers, even the people at Afterlife had been weird about it. It’s like the first breath of air when you swallow too much water when you swim, or the first morning of spring after a harsh winter. It feels fresh and clean and makes her skin tingle pleasantly, so much so that she almost starts purring before she forces herself to stop, because she has only known these people for like a week, they do not need to know that she purrs like a fucking kitten when she’s content. 

She had a reputation to uphold, thank you very much. 

“Someone needs to break those two up before someone gets damaged anyway.” Daisy says, nodding to Fitz and Darcy, the former’s face is starting to turn purple with the effort he is putting into this argument and the latter’s ponytail is swinging so wildly it’s whipped Vision several times, though the synth is so deep is argument with Jimmy that he doesn’t even notice. Monica laughs at the scene and whispers a “watch this” in Daisy’s ear, before using some of the newer elements of her powers to turn invisible and sneak up between Darcy and Fitz. Daisy can’t see her obviously, but she can feel her vibrational energy weaving between the teenagers. Wanda’s head whips to the empty air as Monica walks past her, but Daisy places a finger in her lips to swear the girl to secrecy and the redhead smiles innocently. Monica’s invisible form makes it all the way to the couch Darcy and Fitz are arguing on and she sits between them before turning visible again. 

“That’s enough guys-“ She doesn’t get to finish her sentence, because Fitz has screamed like a little girl and Darcy is laughing so hard she can’t see at his reaction. The twins and Mack and Elena crack up from the ping pong table and Daisy let’s a few giggles out, Fitz practically morphing into a beetroot with how much he was blushing. Darcy wiped her eyes from her tears from laughing and held out her hand to Fitz, who shakes it warily, 

“Your opinion was completely wrong, but it was a compelling argument. You should consider poli-sci. Now, I believe my presence is needed by my delightful roommates, so I bid you farewell.” Darcy laughed again at his bewildered face and pulled Monica up with her when she stood up to cross over to Daisy. “You did want to leave, right?” 

“How did you know?” 

“Anyone can see your overwhelmed. Cmon, let’s go sweetheart.” Darcy grins when Daisy rolls her eyes at the pet name, but follows the older two nonetheless. 

Once they were a safe distance from the common room where the two groups had met, Darcy spoke again. “I have ADHD, too. I know what it’s like to be in those kind of situations when you can’t help but feel overwhelmed, Dee.” 

“It’s not a big deal.” Daisy said quietly, avoiding both their eyes, the unique mix of electric blue and darker ocean blue holding way too many emotions than she wanted to deal with right now. “But...thank you.” 

“What are friends for?” Monica said with her dimpled smile that made Daisy and Darcy’s hearts race, a melody none of them could possibly realise was composed by the same strings of fate.   
  


* * *

It’s early October and the leaves have turned brown, crunching beneath Darcy’s boots. She likes autumn, the cold winds remind her of New York and the walk she took through the park to get back to her shitty apartment she and her mom, (and boyfriend of the month/s) called home. In Montana, however, Darcy races across the leaf strewn paths to get to the dorm before Daisy or Monica. 

Whoever is last back has to do the laundry. 

No one wants to be last back. 

Darcy reaches the stairs to go up to the dorm at the same time Monica does and Daisy is nowhere to be seen. They race up the stairs and Darcy is pleasantly surprised that Monica is not using her super speed, or that would be totally unfair. Darcy isn’t really a runner, or anything to do with sports, thank you very much. She likes to take her time, make a bigger entrance just by being late. It’s more fun that way. 

They’re pretty much neck and neck on the way up the stairs, taking the six flights in record time, flying along the hall to X-616. Darcy is leading by the tiniest fraction and is just about to open the door when Monica phases through the wall instead. 

“No fair!” Darcy pants indignantly. She whips her head around the dorm, but Daisy is nowhere to be seen. Monica grins like the cat that got the cream. 

“Johnson lost anyway, neither of us are on laundry duty.” And just as she says that, Daisy’s head pops up from under her bed, where she’d made a little nest thing out of pillows and blankets and fairy lights. Monica’s grin fades and Darcy groans loudly. 

“It’s clean sheet week, Darce. Don’t forget.” Daisy laughs when Darcy gives her the finger and Monica smiles madly, floating a few inches off the ground like she did when she laughed too hard. Darcy couldn’t even find it in herself to be a sore loser. 

“I hate you a lot, Johnson. You know that right?” Darcy informs her and though they can’t see her shoulders, they know that Daisy shrugged innocently. 

“I think I’m spectacular personally, but to each their own.” 

“You two are incorrigible.” Monica shakes her head at them, still smiling widely. “Oh, Darce, did you do those flash cards?” 

“Shit, no, I forgot.” Darcy sighs, looking over at her very cluttered desk. She was too busy trying to finish her essay on quantum mechanics, the specs for a possible bridge between Asgard and Earth, and debate topics for her poli-sci class that she completely forgot about the basic math properties flash cards for her and Monica’s shared class. A tension headache started building behind her eyes and she blinked a few times to try and get rid of it, but the pain stuck, the stress of the two degrees and all the homework and projects and the laundry and socialising and her mom hadn’t called in nearly a month and what if Doug had done something and- 

“Take a breath, Darce.” Daisy’s voice suddenly floated through the red mist of stress and worry in her vision. Oh, she hadn’t been breathing, right, great, superb, fantastic, amazing, brilliant- 

“You're having a panic attack, okay? I need you to count up in sevens with me and take a breath with each number, alright?” She felt the soft thud of Monica coming back to the ground and heard the rustle of Daisy escaping her nest under her bed and then she was being sat on the floor. She can feel Daisy’s calloused hands, slightly covered by her oversized hoodie she always wore, (what was with that?) grabbing her hands and placing them on Daisy’s pulse point on her wrists to feel a regulated heart beat, contrasting with Darcy’s erratic one. 

“I’ll start, yeah?” Daisy says and the door softly closes. Monica must have left to give them space, to give _her_ space to breathe. God it was stupid, the year hadn’t even kicked into full gear and she was already having a panic attack. How pathetic. She forced herself to nod though, and heard Daisy begin to count up in sevens. 

Okay, she could do that. Just breathe with each number, follow the simple process of the number pattern. Follow Daisy’s voice, concentrate on her heartbeat. She could do this. Easy as breathing. 

“ _Bad time for a pun, Lewis._ ” She cursed herself inside her head. 

And it takes some time, they get all the way to 903, which is 7x129, but the maths doesn’t really matter. Point is, she’s breathing normally again. She ducks her head away from Daisy’s knowing, violet eyes and looks around the room. The laundry is gone and the flash card templates are sitting on her messy bed.

”Monica?” Daisy nods to her question and she breathes a slight sigh of relief. All was not lost, this was just a setback and she was okay. “Thank you...I don’t- I didn’t mean to- it just kinda caught up on me, yknow?” 

“I get it. And you don’t have to thank me, I’m just glad you’re okay.” Daisy waves her off, but Darcy throws her arms around the slightly smaller girl. She notes a flinch and how Daisy’s body goes stiff, before she accepts the hug and files it away for later, like the long sleeves and the weird eating thing where Daisy had to be constantly reminded that she needed food, like she’d trained herself to not notice hunger or something. But for now, she just hugs her and Daisy hugs back, and when Monica gets back, she joins the hug too, and for right now, everything is alright.   
  


* * *

Halloween weirdly catches them off guard. The three of them are walking through the square one day when they notice the tents being out how for the massive party on Friday. 

“I completely forgot about Halloween, honestly.” Daisy admits when Darcy starts hounding them about costumes for the party. “Never really cared about it before.” 

“Halloween is the best holiday!” Darcy argues, and Monica rolls her eyes from where she’s reading, upside down and attached to the roof for god knows what reason. Daisy fights a giggle at the weird way her eyes roll when she’s upside down. “You get to be anyone you want for a whole night! There’s drinking and candy and music and always some big drama. What’s not to love?” 

“Darce, seriously, it’s not a big deal. If you two wanna go then go, but I don’t want to. I’ve got stuff to catch up on anyway.” Daisy says, but Darcy frowns. She is not letting this go. “I really don’t wanna go, Darcy.” 

“Alright.” Darcy concedes but Daisy doesn’t relax because that time means that Darcy has something else already planned. “We’ll celebrate in here then.” 

“What?” Monica asks. 

“We’ll watch horror movies and eat a bunch of candy and forget everyone else exists. It’ll be great.” Darcy promises and Daisy and Monica exchange a glance before nodding their consent. Darcy claps excitedly and runs out the dorm to go raid the candy supplies that had already been brought in for Friday. 

“I didn’t realise Halloween was that big a deal.” Daisy sighs, flopping back on her bed. Monica smiles sympathetically and flies over to Daisy’s bed, floating down and landing cross legged gracefully. Daisy sits up and leans against the headboard. 

“Why don’t you want to go to the party?” Monica asks softly and Daisy shifts a little uncomfortably. 

“I’ve had my powers for eight years now, but I’m still getting used to them. I’ve had to unlearn all of my control techniques because they weren’t healthy, but in the foster system it was the only way to survive. The party seems like fun, but there will be _so_ _many_ people. It’s overwhelming and I hate it, so it’s easier to avoid.” Daisy explains. Monica nods in understanding. 

“You’re like Wanda.” Daisy cocks her head at that, finally meeting Monica’s eyes. 

“Maximoff? Is it the orphan thing?” 

“No!” Monica quickly says, Daisy stifles a laugh. “No, her powers act up in crowds too. Telepathy trouble apparently.” 

“We should invite her on Friday then.” Daisy decides and Monica squeezes her shoulder.   
  


* * *

Jimmy ends up coming on Friday too, with Pietro and Vision heading down to the party along with Fitzsimmons, Bobbi and Mack and Elena. Back up in X-616, Darcy and Daisy pulled the mattresses off of the beds and set them on the floor to create a massive pillow mess and they’d “borrowed” a projector from one of the science classes to project Darcy’s laptop on the wall. 

“So you’ve _never_ seen Nightmare on Elm Street?” Jimmy asked Wanda for the third time. The Sokovian rolled her eyes and Darcy gave her an apologetic smile. 

“I think she’s made it clear that she hasn’t seen the movie, Woo.” Monica said and Jimmy shook his head in disbelief. 

“I was being held by HYDRA for a long time and I grew up in Sokovia, we weren’t exactly up to date on pop culture.” Wanda said in defence of her small pop culture knowledge. Jimmy blushed but she smiled at him. “It’s okay, you can help me catch up.” 

“You’ll get there. It took me a good couple years when I came to America, but I got there.” Daisy piped up, but offered no other information to that tidbit of information. 

“Alright, so we’ll start with Elm Street, then Scream, The Shining, Poltergeist, The Ring, Texas Chainsaw Massacre-“ Darcy cut herself off when she was greeted with bewildered looks. “What?” 

“Some of us have enjoyed sleeping.” Jimmy grumbled and Darcy flipped him off. 

“Cmon, Jimjam, live a little!” The others laughed and Jimmy spluttered at his new nickname, something Darcy Lewis had made herself famous for. 

“ _Jimjam?”_


	2. but it’s calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion (winter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter used to be Daisy’s favourite season. But Afterlife burned in the winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: sullen girl by Fiona apple (not a song I’ve actually heard but the lyric was cool)
> 
> ooft okay, big big angsty chapter here I’m so sorry 
> 
> much daisy angst so pls be warned it’s gonna hurt 
> 
> I promise I can write stuff other than daisy angst and trauma, but it’s also my fave thing to write so l so I’m sorry but enjoy it I guess? 
> 
> also they use pet names because I said so 
> 
> WARNINGS: fires, ptsd, death, loss, grief, child abuse, slightly unhealthy coping mechanisms 
> 
> sorry again yall 
> 
> -bex xx

Winter used to be Daisy’s favourite season. When she was little and still living in Afterlife, it used to snow every winter. The snow would fall in thick flurries by mid-November and her and Kora would have snowball fights and snowmen competitions with the other kids, (though Daisy always made a snow woman, so that really should have been a sign) and go in for cocoa made by the elders when they were finished. Gordon always took them to an ice rink in Chicago which let them practice their English since most of Afterlife spoke Mandarin. Her dad would hold her and Kora up to the tree to put the star on, using the only good parts of his powered alter ego, Mr Hyde, the enhanced strength letting him hoist them both up. Her mom was always busy with running Afterlife (and whatever evil plot she’d been running for years for her inevitable war), but she came out of the office at Christmas time. 

Afterlife burned in the winter too. The flames licked at the fresh snow, black soot forming like bootprints that Alisha’s dad used to track through the village to pretend that Santa had been, ash swirling with snow and breaking any semblance of safety Daisy had ever had. She remembers the screaming and the smell of burning flesh and how it all happened it in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. She remembers one of the SHIELD agents playing Silent Night in the jet to the States and that the nuns took her to Christmas Eve mass the night she arrived. She remembers her dad’s shaky hand poking through the barricaded door to give her the red string necklace with the three interlaced coins on it, and she remembers leaving the necklace with Kora’s charred body in what had been their library and was now just a blackened room that stunk of death and war. She remembers- 

Daisy remembers all of it. But she keeps it hidden away beneath bright smiles and warm cups of coffee and tea when Darcy and Monica study for long stretches. She hides that horrible night in December of 2007 beneath punches and kicks and sparring, beneath sarcasm and self-deprecating jokes and sleepless nights, beneath strings of code and hacking competitions with Darcy and learning Russian with Monica. She takes the trauma of Afterlife and every shitty foster family and the orphanage and Kora and Lincoln and Matty and SHIELD and every other shitty fucking thing, and turns them into code in her head. 

Compartmentalisation. First rule of being an orphan was never letting anything touch you. Her state appointed psychiatrist told her when she was eight to take all that pain and put it in a box in her head, lock the box in a room, padlock the door and fill it with the thing that scared her most, (fire, funnily enough) and never let it see the light of day again. Daisy liked to imagine her bad memories as lines of code, the faces becoming numbers, pain becoming equations. Her head was a technicians worst nightmare because there was no manual, no back door entrance, no shady USB stick with a virus to clean out a stolen computer, it was just a vast expanse of broken interfaces and an outdated Windows 95 filing system. 

And that was completely fine with her! Sure, the minute a candle got out of hand she had a panic attack and she couldn’t handle crowds and she’d gone so long without food in some more awful foster homes that she’d trained herself not to acknowledge the hunger, and hey, sometimes she couldn’t sleep because the screams in her head were too loud and Bobbi had found her in the gym beating up a punching bag at least six times since the start of the year, but other than that, she was fine, dandy, healthy, good, sure, great. 

She knew that SHIELD agents needed to turn off their feelings sometimes to get the job done. So if she could slip into a place of absolute numbness and perform daily tasks, then surely that was a good thing? 

It confused her, all the emotions and non-emotions and the memories and non-memories and strings of code and boxes and fires and KoraLincolnMattyMomDad and Silent Night and burnt libraries and bootprints and snow and cocoa and elders and the Orchards and the nuns and _Our Father who art in heaven-_

“Daisy, I can hear your brain whirring from over here, go to sleep.” Darcy grumbled sleepily, and Daisy stopped dismantling the rest of the computer she’d quaked apart last week to put back together again, a mindless task to occupy her hands whilst her brain whizzed at nine hundred miles an hour in sixteen different directions. Her hands shook suddenly, the fan she was unfolding falling noisily on top of the other parts. She winced as Monica woke up too. 

“I’m sorry, go back to sleep, I’m going for a run or something.” Daisy whispered to them, Monica sleepily accepting this and rolling back over, whilst Darcy shook her messy curls and checked the time. 

“It’s 4 in the morning, Dais. You okay?” Daisy smiled in the dark and grabbed leggings, a sports bra and a shirt with long sleeves, (the bruises were almost healed but there was still the scars and ripped skin from belts around her wrists and cigarette burns that hadn’t quite healed right from the foster family before the Orchards. Daisy shook her head of the memories, opening the Dylan’s code string and placing the small, circular scars in there. 

“I’m fine, Darce, my brain just won’t shut up. You know what it’s like. I’ll see you later, okay?” Daisy promised and Darcy looked skeptical but met her go anyway. 

“Be safe, Zee, Jimmy said that Ward and Rumlow and Hayward run at this time for whatever testosterone filled ego trip that is. You know what they’re like, babe.” 

“I’ve got earthquake powers, darling, I’ll be fine.” Daisy couldn’t see her blush in the dark, but Darcy could feel the soft heat on her face, suddenly glad for the rude awakening if she could blush like this with no one to see. She grinned and let Daisy go, waiting for the soft click of their dorm door before she closed her eyes again.   
  


* * *

November fades into December and in a haze of essays, equations, coffee, ramen and far too little sleep, a storm begins to surround Montana. The locals in town share the gossip about the weather when they head into the stores for Christmas shopping. The snowstorms are expected, they happen every year, but never to this severity.

The school year ends in mid-December, students all heading home early this year to avoid the inevitable grounding of planes due to the weather, which happens a week before Christmas. The airport closes, the stores shut and the roads close. The whole of Montana is basically on lockdown, the snow falling in thick flurries, freezing the roads and the lakes, the temperatures beginning to fall further and further until there was a permanent chill in the air. 

All of the X-616 are staying at the Academy, Daisy out of necessity since her foster family didn’t want her and she didn’t particularly want them either, Darcy stayed because her mom was still with Doug and he’d whisked her off to fucking Italy for Christmas, and Monica stayed because the roads closed before she could leave with her moms. 

However, they’re some of the only ones staying. Jimmy had already gone home two weeks ago, Vision had gone to...wherever he was from, Bobbi had to go home or her sister, Ed, would actually throttle her and Fitzsimmons had flown back to the UK the day before the airport closed. The twins stayed because like Daisy, they didn’t really have a home to go back to either. 

“Hey Darce?” Monica called through to the bathroom when she walked into the dorm on Christmas Eve. “You seen Daisy today?” 

“Nope.” Darcy called back. “She was gone when I woke up.” 

“That’s been happening more often hasn’t it?” Monica nervously chewed on her bottom lip. Daisy had become...distant, since the winter months had rolled around. She was awake long after her and Darcy went to sleep, she left the dorm to go train or study before they woke up, they hardly saw her at meals, she was withdrawn and quiet. It was like the storm outside had imbedded in Daisy’s very being, the thunder booming in her own head like it did outside, or the snow falling was freezing the light that normally radiated from the girl. Maybe it was family stuff, she hadn’t complained like Darcy had about them going on vacation without her or being stuck at the Academy like Monica had, she’d just accepted it. Like it was normal. Like she was used to being left alone. 

“It’s close to dinner anyway, why don’t you go see if you can find her and I’ll get stuff from the cafeteria?” Darcy offered, poking her head out of the bathroom. Monica nodded and grabbed about six layers before venturing out of their warm dorm. It was only then that she realised that Daisy hadn’t taken a jacket or even a hoodie, her thicker gear was hanging behind the door or folded on top of her dresser. That meant she was out in subzero temperatures without any protective layers, just a long sleeve shirt knowing Daisy, during a snowstorm. 

What the hell was going on with her?   
  


* * *

Monica wanders the halls searching for their missing roommate, but the entire accommodation hall is empty. She eventually braves the cold outside and heads out to the quad, skirting the edge where there’s at least overhead cover from the ongoing snow and rain mix. She makes it to the gyms, but Daisy isn’t there either, nor the cafeteria, the library, the coffee shop on campus, the science wing, tech wing, she can’t find Daisy _anywhere._

She’s walking back to the dorm slightly cold, wet and more than a little pissed off, because where the hell could Daisy be? when she hears a small sniffle from a small insert in the wall between the science building and the library. She follows the sound, pulling out her phone to light the dark alcove when she finds her. 

Daisy is curled up in a tight ball, shivering against the harsh wind with tears streaming down her face. Her hands are all bloody and bruised and broken looking, her clothes are slightly torn and wet from the snow and the rough material of the walls around her. She just looks like the world has suddenly collapsed around her and she is sitting in the precipice of the wreckage. The survivor. 

“Hey Dais...” Monica calls softly, inching as slowly as she can so to not scare the girl. Daisy’s head shots up at the sudden intrusion of light and person into her alcove but ducks her head when she sees it’s Monica. In the dim glow of her phone, Monica can see the faint, embarrassed blush on Daisy’s cheeks at being found, the way she roughly wiped at her face to rid herself of the tears. 

“What’s up, babe?” And she stabs for humour but the break in her voice and the way her bloody hands tremble when she tries to extract them from her lap reveals just how shitty Daisy feels right now. Monica raises an eyebrow and holds out her hand to the younger girl. 

“Come on, it’s freezing out here and you forgot your jacket. Or a hoodie. Or sweatshirt. Or any semblance of warmth.” Daisy stands with the same shaky quality of a baby deer trying to walk for the first time and Monica has to catch her before she falls. She gasps slightly at the iciness off Daisy’s skin. “Jesus, Daisy, you’re freezing!” 

”Well it is snowing.” Daisy says sarcastically, that same darkness lighting her eyes that has taken root in the last two months. Monica narrows her eyes. 

“Uh uh, we’re not doing that. You could get really sick, Zee.” Daisy keeps her eyes trained on the ground, the darkened sky making them glow slightly with their violet hue. The snow around only enhances just how tired she looks, the whiteness accentuating the dark circles under her eyes. How did Monica miss all of this when they shared a fricking room? 

“I’m sorry.” Daisy says quietly, Monica sighs and pulls Daisy a little closer as they walked back up to the dorm. 

“I know.”   
  


* * *

Darcy’s not entirely sure what she’s walked into, but it’s a sorry sight. Daisy is shivering whilst being wrapped in about five blankets, her hair is stringy and wet from the snow, and her eyes have lost the sparkle that makes them glow almost ultraviolet, leaving them dark and stormy. But Darcy almost drops the food she’s holding when she sees Daisy’s knuckles. 

“Did you win or lose a fight with the punching bag?” She asks, and Daisy shrugs. Darcy looks at Monica, hoping for some form of an answer to Daisy’s disheveled and darkened appearance, but Monica shrugs too and goes back to cleaning Daisy’s knuckles. 

“Look, Zee, I know it might be hard to talk about what you’ve been feeling the last couple of weeks, but it could help? It’ll stay between us, we won’t judge you...but you should really talk to someone before this swallows you up.” Monica tells her softly and Daisy looks away from the taller girl cleaning her wounds, focusing on a point on the wall. But by the end of her speech, violet eyes meet electric blue again and Daisy nods, once, twice. It’s enough to make Monica smile and for Darcy to enter the dorm properly. 

“Just-“ Daisy starts nervously, biting her lip. “Not right now?” 

“We can go as slow as you want, love.” The name slips out before Monica can stop and Daisy freezes for a minute, and Monica fears that she’s ruined the fragile trust Daisy has put in them before the younger girl finally smiles and Monica figures it’s okay. 

“Wait, does this mean we’re finally doing pet names properly?” Darcy asks excitedly and Monica rolls her eyes. “Thank god, there’s only so many nicknames I can make out of “Monica”, cutie.” 

“Ugh, don’t call me that.” Monica grumbles and Daisy smiles, even if it doesn’t quite reach her eyes yet. She’s warming up and Monica is nearly done with her split knuckles, the skin bruised and raw and sore, the bones in her hands dangerously close to breakage. 

“You love it.” Darcy grins. 

* * *

“So...none of us have fathers.” Darcy begins and Monica and Daisy snort. Darcy pouts. “What? It’s true!”

“That’s your opening statement Darce?” Monica laughs and Darcy smacks her lightly, shoving a fork of ramen noodles in her mouth. “You’re not wrong, though.” 

“Welcome to the trauma circle then. I mean my dad just wanted nothing to do with me or my mom, pretty sure I was a one night stand, but she won’t tell me. And then my mom...she just wasn’t really there, yknow? I think I’m more of an inconvenience than a daughter to her, sometimes.” Darcy admits, stirring her ramen distractedly. “She’s not a bad person and she does her best, but she’s just not a mom, I guess.” 

“My mom was there and we’re super close, which is great and all...Mom Carol was the problem.” Monica tells them and Darcy frowns confusedly. 

“I thought you two were cool?” 

“Oh we’re great now, but back when I was little she disappeared for a couple years, not her fault but it was a rough couple years. And then she was always coming and going, but now she stays on earth at least eleven months out of the year.” Monica shrugs and takes a bite of her veggie burger, Darcy puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

“That’s rough when you’re young, babe.” 

“At least I had my mom.” Monica smiles fondly. “And Mom Carol always came back.” 

“What’s about you, Zee?” Darcy turns to the youngest, who has showered and is now dressed in a warm SHIELD sweatshirt and plaid pajama pants. Daisy freezes halfway through a bite of grilled cheese. “Any parental trauma to share?” 

“My whole family died in a fire so...” Daisy said awkwardly and Darcy’s noodle cup fell to the floor, landing with a wet thud. Monica’s mouth opened and closed a few times and Daisy’s skin began to prickle with phantom flames kicking her back and she had to put down her grilled cheese because her hands were suddenly wet with the ghost of her sister’s burnt body and the ash and the soot and the snow and jets and the soldiers and Lincoln’s eyes meeting hers right as the explosions began and her mom barking orders at people and her dad trapped in the bedroom and Kora, Kora, Kora- 

If she could go back and change just one thing about that day, it would be telling Kora not to go to the library. To make her stay and play with Daisy in their bedroom, not run away to read in the solace of the library, soon to be her tomb. She could deal with the dead village and dead parents and dead Lincoln, but Kora...it still just hurt too goddamn much. 

“Hey, Dee? You still with us?” Monica asks tentatively when Daisy drags her consciousness back to present day. The system reboots, the memories become code, the door is padlocked and the flames have been lit, the box is safe. 

“Sorry, yeah. Uh, my family, they- they’re dead.” She forces out eventually, eyes trained on the slightly uneven floors boards to avoid the pity in their eyes. She hated telling this story because she might as well just write DAMAGED on her forehead and be done with it, but they deserved an explanation for her weirdness lately. She liked them, they deserved more. And they she was an orphan at least, she joked about it often enough, they just didn’t know the story of how she got there. 

“It happened the day before Christmas Eve, actually, yesterday had been eight years.” Daisy began, wrapping the weighted blanket tightly around herself and taking Monica’s offered hand, Darcy on her other side. She breathed a shaky sigh before continuing. She could do this, tell the story then compartmentalise, easy. “I grew up in a place called Lai Shi or Afterlife, it was in China. It was a safe place for powered people, Inhumans mostly, just a safe community. My mom ran the place with the help of the elders. It was mostly adults, but there was me and my sister, Kora, Lincoln, Raina, Alisha...we were a team, yknow? Kora had these crazy energy powers and could speak four languages, Lincoln wanted to be a doctor and Raina could tell the future and Alisha would split herself into five body doubles to have her own team when we had snowball fights. My dad and mom were-“ 

She has to stop, the memories encroaching her vision. The snow outside thumps hard against the window, beating the same pattern it did all those years ago when Afterlife burned. The box is open now, the flames are extinguished and the strings of code are all jumbled up, Afterlife mixing with the jet and the orphanage and Kora and Matty’s faces blur to become one. The ground beneath them trembles as Daisy fights to get control of her powers. 

Monica and Darcy watch anxiously as Daisy attempts to control the gentle tremors of the floor. Her story is harrowing so far and they haven’t even gotten to the worst part. Daisy takes deep breaths and reigns in the shaking, gripping the blanket so tightly her beaten knuckles turn white. 

“You’re okay, love. It’s okay.” Monica says softly, putting an arm around her friend and holding her close. Darcy gets the hint and slides into Daisy’s other side, the two of them enveloping the younger, traumatised girl. “You’re safe now.” 

“Uh, they were dark, I guess.” Daisy says when her voice finally lets her continue. “My mom was always in the office or with new Inhumans or the elders, always planning and plotting and whatever else. My dad did his best but he had this...alter ego? I don’t fully understand it honestly, I just know it was called Mr Hyde and it was scary and angry and out for blood. They believed that the world should only be Inhumans or powered people or whatever. SHIELD must have caught drift of it and my mom really went to the dark side, talking about genocides and oppression and god knows what else, I was eight, Kora was twelve. Anyway, SHIELD raided Afterlife and we retaliated, the whole or Afterlife burned and most of the people went too. I was the only survivor.”

”Jesus fucking Christ-“ Darcy begins but now that she’s talking about it, Daisy can’t seem to stop, the box is wide open and everything is spilling out. 

“SHIELD put me in the foster system when they brought me here, which has almost been as bad as losing my entire family and home at the same time right before fucking Christmas. God, it’s so fucking stupid because every single home I get dumped in I think is going to be different and it never is. It’s always the same, no one wants me to stay or they want a punching bag or a check or a babysitter. I just don’t fit. The only place I did fit in was burned to the ground.” The tears fall thick and fast and Daisy can’t seem to stop them. She hates crying in front of people and especially about this, because crying didn’t help. The tears couldn’t bring back Afterlife or Kora or her parents. The tears didn’t reverse the last eight years of failed foster homes and leaving Matty behind. All they did was make her face wet and her eyes puffy. 

Monica takes the lead because Darcy is slightly emotionally repressed and crying is not her thing, and turns Daisy fully to face her, wrapping her arms around the shaking girl. Daisy whimpers slightly and tucks her head into Monica’s shoulder and that’s when Monica knows that no one has ever done this for Daisy, just let her cry and feel and process the grief. At least she’d had her mom to deal with her issues and anxiety and whatever, and Darcy seemed well adjusted enough to have dealt with her traumas, Daisy just seemed lost. Like she’d been taught to bottle it all up and move on. But how do you just move on from something like that? 

“You’re not alone now, Zee. You fit here, with us. We want you here in the dorm and at meals and studying and whatever else. We want you, and so does the twins and Bobbi and Fitzsimmons and Vision and even Jimmy. Daisy, there are so many people who want you in their lives now. I promise you, you are wanted by people.” Monica tells Daisy, who shakes a little uncontrollably in her arms but eventually, there’s a small nod against her shoulder. Darcy begins to gently stroke the girls hair, all three of them bonded together to create a web of hurt and comfort and pain and loss and something that begins to feel like family and home, even if it’s only been four months since they met. 

“I’m sorry.” Daisy breathes against Monica’s shoulder, lifting her head slightly. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Nothing to be sorry for, honey.” Darcy promises, interlocking her other hand with Monica’s, still threading her fingers through Daisy’s damp hair. “You just needed a little bit of help, that’s all.” 

“You promise this is okay?” Daisy asks tentatively, gesturing to their positions but probably meaning the emotional baggage she’s just dropped. “I can go back to compartmentalising if it’s too much.” 

“I’d personally like to energy blast whoever taught you to compart-fucking-mentalise, so no, please don’t do that. This is good, Zee, we promise.” Monica says and Darcy laughs at the mental picture of Monica blasting a shitty psychiatrist in some orphanage, just for mentally scarring Daisy.

”You guys are the best.” Daisy says, a little brighter now. “Sorry for avoiding you.” 

“If you say sorry one more time, _I’m_ going to energy blast you.” Darcy says, poking Daisy in the back. Daisy blushes slightly. 

“Sorry.” She says automatically, Darcy raises an eyebrow even if Daisy can’t see it. 

“Alright, that’s it, Monica hand me an energy blast ball thingy.” Darcy says confidently and Monica laughs. 

“That’s not quite how it works, oh scary one.” 

“I will make it work, I’m doing astrophysics I’m sure I can work it out.” Darcy pouts and Daisy giggles, finally getting out of Monica’s arms, and leaning against the bed. 

Daisy watched the snow fall outside the window and for the first time in eight years, she didn’t think of Afterlife burning. She thought about running through to the living room on Christmas morning with Kora and sledding with Lincoln and the snow angels she made with Raina pretending they were the blue angels that fell from the sky, the good parts of her childhood during winter. She thought about the Christmas’s with Matty in the orphanage and how she’d describe all the people in mass to him, giggling when he purposely tripped the woman who complained loudly about the “alien eyed freak” and the “poor blind boy” in church. She thought about her dad reigning in Mr Hyde’s temper just so her and Kora could both put the star on top of the tree and about her mom finally leaving the office, the few times she ever saw her mom smile.

But most of all, she thought about now. About Darcy and Monica and the strange mix of electric and ocean blue their eyes created in her head, and how they actually cared about her well-being and how they teased each other relentlessly. She thought about how happy she was here, with training and hacking and powers and people just like her, where they were accepted and wanted and needed and loved. In the pale moonlight that cast shadows over the snow and the room, she swore she almost saw Kora smiling and telling her it was okay to move on. 

Which meant that she needed to sleep because hallucinations of her dead sister were not a good sign. 

And for the first time in weeks, Daisy fell asleep peacefully, the screams in her head silenced by Darcy and Monica’s sweet laughter and the ever present song of Silent Night playing from Darcy’s laptop. Her world ended and imploded eight years ago, burned to the ground by people who only wanted to stop a war and burning the people who would have started that war. Daisy was the survivor, the one left behind, the legacy. Now she had to keep on surviving and when she’d learned how to do that, she’d remember how to live too. 

Monica watched Daisy’s breathing even out, the way she tucked herself up as small as she could under the comforter. They’d pushed the mattresses together on the floor again, needing to be close to each other after their trauma sharing circle. Monica had Darcy’s head in her lap, and Darcy still had a hand in Daisy’s hair, combing softly through the waves. Some Christmas movie played on Darcy’s laptop, Monica didn’t even know which one it was. She watched the clock tick down to midnight. 

“Happy Christmas, Darce.” She whispers when the clock hits 00:00. Darcy grins up at her. 

“Happy Christmas, cutie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


End file.
